happy birthday

It's my birthday.  I'm old enough not to want a big celebration, but young enough to remember lots of them.  A summer birthday is a wonderful thing to a kid.  And we had a pool when I was younger.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, and best friends all converged on our house during the summer for a cookout and pool party.  My brother's birthday is in July, and we celebrated our special days together.

I was ok, remembering this.  Until I remembered where I was for my last birthday.  I was back home, in my parents' house.  Visiting with my Dad.  And then I kind of fell apart.  Because that was a year ago.  A year ago and yesterday, at the same time.

I'll never be able to celebrate my birthday or any other day with him again.  The man who was so exhausted by the time he called his parents to tell them of my birth that he fell asleep on the phone is gone.  The man who was so excited to be a father that he recorded my earliest babbling and first words is gone.  Sometimes I just can't believe he won't be there when I walk through that front door next time.  And then I think I'll just put that moment off as long as possible.

It's hard, being far away.  Sometimes I can forget, pretend for a while that it isn't true.  And then it hits me so hard that I'm crying at my keyboard on my birthday.  So hard that I need to explain why I start to cry when I watch my youngest stir his ice cream in his bowl to "warm it up".  So hard that I'm not even sure I want to go back home again.

It's my birthday Dad.  I wish you were here.

No apologies...

I'm just going to pretend that it hasn't been so long since the last post and dive right in...

We've had some scares lately.  My dad is suddenly facing a myriad of health problems and is scheduled for some major abdominal surgery next week.  "Suddenly" isn't really the right word.  We should have seen at least some of this coming.  It's been most of a lifetime of not taking care of himself, and it's caught up to him now.  It's just crazy to get so many scary diagnoses in such a short time. 

Of course, as a professional worrier, I'm thinking of my childrens' futures.  It's my job to give them the healthiest start possible and set a healthy example for them.  So, to that end, we are about to have a major diet overhaul in our house.  Grains, sugars, and starches are being tossed in favor of more veggies, meats, and fruits.  It might not be so bad, really.  Only my younger two are balking right now.  My youngest exists on peanut butter sandwiches, but will happily dip fruits and veggies in his beloved peanut butter instead.  My middle son can't imagine life without potato chips, but I think he'll be just fine.  And my oldest, a committed carnivore, might not even notice the changes, but we're hoping to see some positive changes in his behavior (and bathroom habits). 

This surgery will not be easy for my dad, but the lifestyle changes he'll need to make following the operation have him terrified.  It will be the first time in his life that he'll have no choice but to take charge of his diet and track what he's eating.  He will emerge from this with only 1/3 of his pancreas and will be insulin-dependant for the rest of his life.  Every bite he puts in his mouth will matter in a way he never thought it did before.  He won't have a choice to change.  He'll have a mandate.  I have a choice, still, and I plan to make those changes now.

To the library!

Our local public library is one of the most amazing places I've ever been.  It is impressive looking from the outside- very modern structure, outdoor contemporary sculptures, and walls of windows.  But it's the inside that we like best!

We spend so much time at the library that we have an entire shelf on our living room bookcase just for library books.  Of course, that also makes it much easier to find the books when it comes time to return them!  My boys have varied interests in books, and we could never afford to purchase enough books to make them happy.  This week, we have checked out the entire train section, several books about go-karts, and at least four about bees.  We read them again and again in the three weeks (or more!) they are part of our family.

We can keep dvds for only one week, and that is a bit harder.  Sometimes our choice of Bill Nye or National Geographic dvd goes back unwatched (luckily, we can also get them at Netflix!).  I can get back issues of Home Education Magazine, and the boys can check out Ranger Rick at the same time. 

Our local library truly runs on the honor system- there are no fees for overdue books!  Once, when we thought we lost K's book (it was under the bed!),  I was told they are allowed three "losses" before the library takes action against his library card.  I was shocked. 

There is a room on the top floor of the library that is called a "quiet zone".  I prefer to call it the "mother zone".  It has comfortable couches and a wall of glass that looks out over the city.  There are signs that warn against ringing cell phones and even whispering.  It is a completely quiet room- a mother's dream come true!  It is a beautiful way to spend a couple of hours on a Saturday with a good book and a cup of coffee.  Especially if everyone thinks you're at the grocery store!

Piles of pancakes...

Chicken is my absolute favorite food in the entire world.  I would eat chicken three meals a day, every day of the week if I could.  I know.  BORING.  Unfortunately, I have trouble buying quality chicken.  Did you know that all the packaged chicken in the meat department of your grocery store arrives frozen solid?  They don't call it frozen, though.  It's "treated" to prevent contamination.  Of course, if you drop a 5 pound "treated" chicken on your foot, you could break a toe.  Don't ask me how I know that. 

So chicken purchasing is tricky.  If I want to cook some chicken today, it can't be frozen.  I mean, "treated".  If it is "treated" to toe-breaking levels, I may not be able to cook it for several days.  And if chicken is on sale and I buy extra for the freezer, I'm essentially re-freezing meat that has already thawed once.  Today, all I wanted to do was throw my package of chicken thighs in the crock-pot with my homemade SCD barbecue sauce.  No such luck.  I bought the chicken yesterday, and although it was thawed, the date was good until tomorrow.  I opened the fridge this morning and almost fell over from the smell of rotten meat!

I should buy local chicken.  We are lucky enough to have a few sources nearby.  But local chicken is expensive- more than twice what I would pay at the grocery store.  And local chicken is small.  I would need to roast 2 (maybe even 3!) to feed my family and have some for lunch the next day.  Obviously, I wouldn't be eating it for every meal, or every day, or even every week! 

Z, my youngest, was happy tonight's chicken was a bust.  He's not big on meat consumption.  He asked for pancakes instead, and we all ate them happily with some crispy bacon.  Maybe we'll just start eating more bacon!

Cars and Kratts...

We have been trying get out from under this minivan since the week we bought it five years ago.  That was when we found out that no matter what we did, this van could not pull a camper.  And really, all I wanted was a camper!  We traded for a Ford Explorer and discovered quickly that it was the wrong type of Explorer, and it couldn't tow a camper either.  We returned it, got our van back, and gave up for a long while.  Having a baby can put some plans on hold. 

It seems that every year we have had a reason to drive the 1200 miles to visit with family and friends in our hometowns.  Every trip back, we'd think, "this would be so much better if we only had a camper".  This weekend, we begin our hunt again.  I am someone who doesn't even like shopping for shoes!  You can imagine how stressful this will be. But we've done our research (this time) and we've narrowed the choices down to a select few.  I will be so happy if this works out!  Scratch that.  I will be so happy when this works out!  Eyes on the prize.

My boys are obsessed with the Wild Kratts show on PBS.  Really, who doesn't love the Kratt brothers?  The problem is that there only two of them and I have three boys.  Invariably, Z, as the youngest, is left out of the Kratt equation.  So when imaginary creature adventures call, he plays another game with me- the "Mom Brothers".  As "brothers", he and I travel all over the world and learn about all kinds of animals.  He obviously didn't want me to be left out either!

Taking the plunge...

We got a complaint letter this week.  It seems our lawn-turned-dandelion patch is too much for some neighbors to bear.  An "anonymous tip" was left, stating that our lawn was "unkempt".  That very night, there was a story on the news about the death of Harmon Killebrew, of Minnesota Twins fame and by all accounts a wonderful man.  His father would play in the yard with Harmon and his brother when they were young, much to his mother's chagrin.  "You're tearing up the grass!" she would say, to which his father answered, "We're not raising grass.  We're raising boys."  Enough said. 

I'm not even sure what to expect from this blog.  I put off starting one for so long because I couldn't decide what the focus should be.  We are an unschooling family.  We deal with special diets and food allergies.  One of my children has a genetic disorder which is thankfully controllable today, but can strike fear into my heart on a moment's notice.  We dream of downsizing our life and traveling more.  My boys would like to drive all the way to Patagonia someday to watch the orcas hunt sea lions on the beach.

I think I'll just dive in and see what happens.  I've learned that I can't predict what any given day will be like and I kind of like it that way.  Fasten your seatbelts, though.  This could be a wild ride.